Common Mistakes in Quiz Essays
Thursday, September 20th, 2007I am going to post some common mistakes I found in trainees’ essays from the bi-weekly quizzes out of two reasons.
First, some of the mistakes are so common that I give the same revisions and suggestions to trainees who made them over and over again. If I post the mistakes here, all I need to do is to refer trainees to my blog. This will cut a good part of the duplicating work.
Second, it would be better if the mistakes from quizzes are sorted out into categories and explained in an organized way. Trainees may get a better idea of similar mistakes and will get to know the root cause behind those high-frequency errors.
Here we go.
1. Weak beginning
The following sentences came from the beginning of trainees’ essays.
Essay title: Are You a Support of Voluntary Euthanasia? Why?
(a) * “Yes. I support that. …” (The example came from a trainee’s essay. Names will be ommited here to avoid causing any unwanted feelings. The asterisk “*” means the sentences are incorrect in certain ways, which will be explained as below. )
The problem with (a) is that we don’t usually answer the essay title in a yes-or-no way. The first sentence of a convincing English essay should be powerful and overwhelming. A smart writer usually spends a bit more time in working out a very witty beginning sentence to attract readers. Otherwise, readers might probably be turned off and lack of interest to read on.
Essay title: Should Students Invest in the Stock Market? Why?
(b) * “As we know, Chinese stock market attracts all people, they talk about stock market every second, and we know some students also buy stocks, they are involved in the stock market. So the discussion comes up: should student invest in the stock market.”
All sentences in (b) serve great as an introduction to the topic. But the thing is, readers are not interested at all in how the dicussion became into being because almost every reader already has some basic knowledge (or commonsense) about the stock market.
Suggestion: Cut it short and come down to the dicussion right after you type the first word.
2. Overly general sentences with broken information
I don’t know whether it is a patent of Chinese people to write overly general sentences or not, but most people would define sentences shown in following examples as carrying a “Chinese tone”:
(c) *”Stock market reflects various relationships (-_- meaning?), economic phenomena (-_- such as what?) and thoughts of people(-_- what kind of thoughts?).”
(d) *”On the other hand, students doing that can broaden their prospect and social experience, and improve their ability about analyst, logic, mathematical comprehension and something else. (-_- what on earth do all those concepts mean?)“
All the phrases with sophisticated concepts in bold font seem to mean a lot of things. But they actually mean nothing. It is somehow useless to put forward so many concepts without giving clear examples of each of them. For instance, if you want to talk about economic phenomena in the stock markt, you could talk about bull market or bear market and the reason behind those so-called economic phenomena.
Suggestion: Less is more. The more clear you write, a better understanding that your readers can get.
(e) *”From preventing from inflation(-_- meaning?), everyone should do investment (-_- why? What is the connection between the two clauses?).”
Chinese people sometimes jump from one thought to another, without giving any information to connect the 2 thoughts. However, English essays are believed to be more reader-friendly because a sentence always leads you well to the next. I believe this is the only way to convey your ideas effectively to your readers.
Suggestion: So give your readers more reference on how you come to an abrupt conclusion.
3. Boring sentence structures
(f) *“Letting the people that you love suffer so much is not good!”
(g) *”Students investing in the stock market moderately is a good thing.”
(h) *”I think allowing students invest in the stock market is really a bad thing.”
(i) *”Social experience and investing in the stock market for students is not a bad thing.”
(j) *”Moreover, their economic condition that they easily ignore is not good.”
…-_-
Suggestion: Read more English articles by native speakers. Borrow some great sentence structures everyday from fantastic writers and make them your own.
4. Chinese translation
(k) *“They need to face risks, need to learn more knowledge about investment.” (suggested revision => need to face risks and learn more knowledge…)
(l) *“…, parental guidance is recommended when their children are participating the stock market investing activity.” (suggested revision=> are investing in the stock market)
(m) *“Firstly, these students have stayed at school for more than 12 years, they are really in lack of touch of society.” (=> suggested revision = > really lack social experience)
(n) *“From so many examples, they may have a good cognition: the money should be earned by hard work, and no cakes fall from the sky.”(suggested revision=> understanding)
(o) *”Touching the society and investing in the stock market for students is not a bad thing.”(suggested revision=> Social experience)
When we write in a foreign language, sometimes we inevitably use some words or phrases inherited from our mother tongue. It is not our fault to write in this way because we do not think in the same way as English native speakers. But there are still things we can do to avoid writing “Chinglish” sentences.
Suggestion: Think in English when you write an English essay! Do not translate Chinese sentence structures or words into English because the two languages are sometimes independent of each other.
If you really need to know the English word for a Chinese thought, check it in a dictionary to make sure the English translation has the right meaning.
5. Repeatition
(p) *“Now in the law of China, there is no law to prevent students from investing in the stock market.”
(q) *”If we throw a ball to the wall, the ball will rebound back.”
Suggestion: Make it a habit to cut your essay short. Always delete superfluous words.
6. Long sentences without giving your readers a break
(r) *“As we know that, Chinese students have less opportunities to have more practice in the school, because many parents still insisit that students’ duty is study, but I think that shool is only a place to guide students how to study, so, stock market is also a place to pratice.”
It is such a common problem of trainees that they such long sentences that readers might need to raise their memory (like that of a computer -_-) to process those long sentences.
Suggestion: Split a sentence up into several when it is longer than 2 lines. Spare your readers more time to relax their eyes and brain.
I really hope those suggestions can help all of you! : )
